So when we were discussing conceiving number 2 – I always said that I felt less desperate about it. Originally the quest was to become parents and since we were already parents and blessed with the amazing LJ, I didn’t think we would go to crazy (albeit perfectly normal) extremes to conceive.
Well, I was wrong. I feel just as desperate and anxious and mixed up as I did the first go around. I am reminded rather forcefully that TTC is a very emotional process for me.
We are about half way through the TWW and I have low hopes – I had already ovulated when we went in for the IUI, but we went ahead because I was almost certain that I had ovulated at 9pm the night before (thank you clomid-cantalope ovaries) which still put us in about a 14 hour window. When looking at the swimmers afterwards the doc said, “Whoah! These guys are wild. If there is an egg, these guys will find it.”
I remember now that about half way through is when the crazy stuff starts – you start wiping with a purpose ( you know what I am talking about right?) You read into zits, sore body parts and cramps. Today if I had to guess I would say I am not pregnant. I so hope to be – but that would be a little wild. Getting pregnant on the first try is always my wish for someone entering the TTC journey – but I never really believe it happens.
Yesterday I bought pregnancy tests since I am an early tester. Today I overlayed my successful cycle with my current cycle. I reminded myself we got a + on day 11. I figured out when that was. I really need to get busy to make it through the next 5 days.
I was mentioning to someone the other day that we keep our journey close to our chest – my standard answer when someone asks is yes, we will be trying sometime in the next year. I realized this week that by keeping it close I have few people to talk to. So, IVP. I think I am back.
Speaking of close to the chest – As I know more of your IRL and on face.book, please keep what is said here, just here.