So the past few weeks have been a rollercoaster. To catch you up –
- Doc doubled my clomid dose.
- I finally ovulated at CD18, with 5 follicles!
- We inseminated the day before and the day of
- 12dpo we got a BFP
- Beta was 39, doc was concerned it might be low so I retested (nurse said it looked fine but wanted to chat with doc before she told me)
- No pregnancy symptoms to speak of.
Saturday was a rainy day in Richmond so we decided to have family movie day. On the way home we laughed and laughed and I thought I peed my pants. It wasn’t till I stood up getting out of the car that I suspected something was up. Rushed to the bathroom. There was a lot of blood. No pain though. The bleeding subsided as quickly as it started.
I know that early bleeding can be fine as a friend assured me yesterday. But I think the low beta, the bleeding and the absence of symptoms has me worried. Im waiting for the RE to call back now. I expect he will send me for another beta. I might buy a pregnancy test and see what happens.
Yuck. I want to be happy, but I am too worried.
This is a mighty pretty dip that is well timed… more signs I am going crazy. We are breaking the rules and testing tomorrow because I am going out of town all weekend and we can’t test without each other. So we will test again Sunday…which is when AF is due to visit. I kinda want to print out this chart and put it on the fridge – its so much more predictable and delicate than my others. Its so tidy.
Before I start going on and on about the topic I need to tell you all a story about a lunch I had last week. I went out with a friend from grad school who is the new mom to an eight month old adorable little girl. She doesn’t know we are TTC, but she is very environmentally-centered so I wanted to hear her talk about her experience with a doula, daycares, options in this area. So we get to talking when she drops this bomb…. she got her daughter on a daycare waiting list when she was 6 weeks pregnant!!! Ok – thats insane. I mean this is not a crazy preppy mom – this is an earth-loving, organic diaper, makes her own baby food type of person. Evidently daycare is extremely limited in this area. She was on 6 waiting lists and got into only two – in the course of her pregnancy and her daughter’s birth. – okay on to the real post.
I hate this part of the TWW. I start getting a little crazy. I mean to a certain extent we all do right?? I also hate doing this post. I really truly don’t need to play into my craziness, but if i can’t talk about it here where can I? I do have to say that I feel so much crazier writing it down. I feel so hopeful this month, but if it doesn’t work I want to erase this post so I don’t look silly.
The past few days have been ripe with superstitious signs and bodily signs. Here’s my crazy list:
- Our due date would be our wedding anniversary… says ferti.lity friend.
- A. started her period. She has very irregular periods, like 3-4 a year – but hadn’t had one since we starting TTC.
- I couldn’t drink coffee two mornings in a row because it tasted awful. (i know i shouldn’t – but i’m down from a ton of coffee to one cup a day)
TMI ALERT…. and i’m serious. I won’t say anything else too interesting for the rest of the blog if you care to just skip it.
- fluttery tummy
- My who-ha has a different smell… I don’t know how to describe it. It isn’t bad, just foreign.
- my pee is a different color – bright bright neon yellow
- i’m starving
There are more but I can’t stand to list them out.
For the first time in a few months I had a natural ovulation and cross hairs appear on my fertility friend chart (i had been overthrowing it and making it happen). I knew it would as my temps climbed – but there was an odd satisfaction when I logged my temp this morning. I’m noticing that it isn’t the extraordinary that is exciting, its the normal. A nice short normal cycle (although aided by the clomid). SO far this cycle has been fairly normal – what I would expect people without PCOS or other issues have. I have to say, its kinda relaxing. (says the girl at 3dpiui.)
I’m crossing my fingers and laying it all down on superstition and good luck. Fertility Friend predicts a due date on our anniversary… thats got to be good luck right? I’m not a beliver in fate or luck – but i think for the next 9 or so days I’ll put my faith there.
There are lots of people trying, lots of people scared, and lots of sad. There truly more things happening that normal that cause me to cry or laugh out loud while reading the notes of my favorite blogs. Its hard to say over and over that I’m so sorry, and yet I do. Because when someone says that to me or wishes me well – it refills my hope for the day. Without this blog and this community I think I would be lost.
So the bladder olympics yesterday were a little exaggerated. I was stuck in a meeting with urine up to my eyeballs. Finally I could take it no more and ran to the bathroom for the awkward 5 min wait while the digital opk did its thing. And boy did it! A Round Smiley face reared its cute head, on CD15 – the soonest ever! I sent A. a quick email and instructed her to make an appointment and ran back to my meeting lugging along my cantaloupe-like ovaries.
Fast Forward to 11:25 today– I am walking up to the doctor’s office and pull my new phone out to see what time it is and I’ve missed two calls from A. I’ve missed them because I don’t know how to work my new phone yet since I just got it yesterday. Seems I accidentally set her calls to receive with the smallest possible noise. So, I call A. and she is still at work 20 minutes away – nearly in tears she tells me she has lost her keys. I suggest calling our friend T. who lives nearby and I will talk to the doctor to see if we can push back the appointment. A big no on both fronts. So A. calls crying and asks me not to do the deed without her. We brainstorm and think of another friend, KL, who lives nearby. I decide to go in and at least participate in the wand acrobatics and see if we are ready. 10 mins later, she sends me an email – she is on her way.
Okay so both future moms will be there so we can move on the the deed. Well our doctor is out this morning doing an IVF – so the nurse practitioner sees me – the handsy woman is very very sweet but not too good with the speculum or the ultrasound machine. So first she goes right, and low and behold two mature follicles – one at 18 and one at 29.5!!! Hence the freaking cantaloupe I’m feeling. So then she goes left and there is a nice ripe 21mm. All told three mature baby-possible follicles. Yipes, three? I guess the Clomid worked.
When the deed was done she inserted the i-don’t-know-why-they-call-it-a-sponge-since-its-made-of-plastic sponge and left us alone to cuddle. We cuddled the best you can on one of those crazy tables and headed on our way. On the way back to work we laughed about our friend KL who exclaimed to A., “When this baby starts to talk back to me in those teenage years – I’ll just remind it that if it wasn’t for me, it wouldn’t even be here.”
Hello, TWW. Nice to be here with you vee and jay.
I find comfort in socks. Hope these offer a smidge of comfort to Cali.
I have finally unearthed myself
No more flu – finally. I am at about 80% after a week in bed. A was great and took wonderful care of me. It has been quite a long time since I have been that sick. I have so much reading and commenting to catch up on.
knock on wood….but, all five pills of clomid are in my body and it hasn’t been too bad so far. So much for the mean pill – I’ve actually been quite giggly and festive. I can change pretty quick to an angry girl – but for the most part the moodswing pendulum has been on the fun side more. Little bits of hot flashes so far are the only other side effect… like i said, knock on wood. In order to preserve some more sanity this month – I even bought the expensive digital opks… so there is not fretting over line darkness.
The only small thing I am a little apprehensive about, is the false hope that this medicine is bringing. I know in my heart that it is not the magic bullet – but I can’t help being a little excited about finally seeing some good follicles and maybe even more than 1!
who knows… i sent all my temps to the doc this morning and expect a call from him soon to let me know when to start the opks because he thinks the clomid will make my cycles shorter… which would be NICE – enough of the 42 days…